What Can Change Any Relationship For the Better

We have a family wedding in the near future, and I woke up thinking of the happy couple, saying a prayer for a long, blessed marriage. After nearly 20 years, I know a bit of the hard work it takes to make it, and also the immense fulfillment it brings.

If I could give them advice on a long marriage it would be: kindness and forgiveness.

Kindness is not giving people what they deserve.

When wronged, hurt or offended in some way, it's common to make that our position. Doing so means the offender must in some way make it right, performing to our personal and exacting specifications. Can I say that people generally aren't that gifted? They can't read your mind (even though they 'should know' what you want), and they probably don't have the personal resources to meet your requirements.

When we bring such a position into relationships, it's exhausting and destructive.
Kindness, though, kindness forgives even though we don't think they deserve it.
Kindness extends warmth and love instead of vengance ("If you won't perform to make this right, then I'll make you pay in my own way").
Kindness heals what is broken. It goes a long, long way towards making a lasting, joyful relationship.

Kindness is mercy.

Anger, hurt, disappointments happen in every relationship. Kindness can bridge over all of that.

My prayer for us all? That we'd both be receivers and givers of kindness.

Living in Victory is Living Connected

Ever read the Bible and get confused? This morning I read this, (and I'm glad I didn't stop there!):

"and you are complete in Him [Christ], who is the head of all principality and power." Colossians 2:10 NKJV

I like the "I'm complete in Him" part, but the rest? Ephesians says we wrestle against principlaties and powers - these are the 'bad guys' - yet Colossians seems to be saying that Christ is the head of them?

If I didn't read all of Colossians, I might become confused regarding who Christ is in relationship to 'the bad guys', but after reading all four chapters, I know He's not their ringleader, He's their defeater!

The Apostle Paul wrote Colossians to tell us that Christ is the Head of the Body [the church, Christians], and that He has definitively won the battle against principalities and powers, to the point of shaming them in their defeat. He stripped their ability to accuse us any longer when we identify ourselves with Him, connecting ourselves to Him and living in connection to Him. Now, the only real power principalities and powers have is what we give to them.

Stay connected to the Head, Jesus Christ, who's "power extends over everything" (Col. 2:10 MSG), and keep reading your Bible, especially when you come across something you question or don't understand. The clarity is there, you'll find it!

A Bosu Ball and Regaining My Balance

This is a bosu ball, an exercise tool that my trainer enjoys putting me on, for laughs I'm sure, as I'm not the best at keeping my balance. It's soft and bouncy when you stand on it as pictured, but she likes to flip it over and have me step onto the unstable platform where I have to attain and keep my balance while performing various exercises. The other day we were practicing this, when she asked me to close my eyes once I had my balance. That really threw me off!

I was thinking about this today, how life sometimes feel "off balance", and we are trying to regain it. It takes a lot of effort and focus to do it, but it can be done. But then we sometimes close our eyes. You know what I mean. We turn our focus inward, closing our eyes to outward influences, trying to draw what we need from within. While this may work for awhile, it's usually temporary at best and difficult to maintain.

For me, what I really need is to regain a solid foundation and to focus my gaze outside of myself so I can stay balanced. My personal foundation is a Rock that doesn't move (Jesus), and my gaze seeks to connect with others - thinking about/helping others is a great equalizer in unstable times.

My thought for today? Keep looking up and out while regaining your balance.

What do you do when instability rocks your life?



How to handle disappointment

We've all felt the sting of disappointment.  Someone has let you down, an opportunity has passed you by, a desire has been unmet. Disappointments can lead to discouragement and depression if we don't manage them.

In Genesis 13 Abram and his nephew, Lot, are having to part ways. Abram brought Lot along on his God-directed journey, and in the process Lot has grown prosperous - there is no longer space enough for them together, and Abram doesn't want the resulting tensions to come between them. Abraham gives Lot the choice of the land. After taking a long look, Lot chooses for himeslf the best land.

v. 12 "So Abram settled in the land of Canaan...."

Abram is sure to have felt disappointment in Lot's choice. Hadn't God promised to prosper him? And here is Lot choosing the best land. Where is the gratitude from Lot?

But Abram chose a different tactic. He settled in the land that was his. He continued to do what God told him to do, and he was blessed and prospered.

We need to choose to face things, and go forward, holding no resentments or negative attitudes in our heart. God's promises of blessing are not going to be thwarted by anything.

Psalm 37:7-9 says "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper--it only leades to harm...those who trust in the Lord will possess the land."

Don't worry about what other people do or have.
When your emotions stir up - be still in God's presence
Trust God
Make good decisions for where you are today

Psalm 37:3 "Trust in the Lord and do good, then you will live safely in the land and prosper".

We all suffer disappointments, but today we can choose to go beyond them to a place of peace and trust.

How do you deal with disappointment?

Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones - Part 2

Remember that rhyme from childhood?

“Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.

How we wish that were true, but everyone can recall instances where words have wounded us as much, if not more than, having sticks and stones hurled at us.

I once said something very mean to my twin sister. I remember exactly where we were, what was happening, and how my words pierced her, the pain in her eyes, the hurt on her face. Though she forgave me, the words were not easily forgotten by either of us, and to this day I wish I hadn’t thoughtlessly said them. Our words can be weapons of life or death, they build up or tear down.

When our words are meant to harm, God says that His word can demolish those “sticks and stones”.

(Jer. 23:29) “Does not my word burn like fire”? says the Lord. Is it not like a mighty hammer that smashes a rock to pieces?”

When the enemy throws a stone at you, God’s word can demolish that word in it’s tracks! That rock becomes dust. In my last post I shared how dust can join together with water molecules to become rain, life-giving rain.

(Gen 50:20) “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”

So when it feels like you are getting battered, don’t just take it! Put God’s word in your mouth and let Him shatter those rocks to dust! He’ll do it! And miraculously, beautifully, what was meant to hurt and harm can become the very seed of life, full of God’s purpose for a prosperous, thriving life.

Dust Becomes Rain - Part 1

Dry Times Can Become Purposeful & Prosperous Times.



We’ve all heard stories of the dust bowl in the 1930’s, when the Great Plains were eroded, drought-plagued and windy. Dust blew in great “blizzards” as far east as NYC and Washington DC, farmland became useless, and families were displaced as they migrated to hopefully “better pastures”.

There are times in life when we feel dusty and dried up, easily picked up and battered, driven by the whim of the wind. Perhaps we feel insignificant, possibly without much to offer, an annoyance to be removed, unsightly, unwanted. Doesn’t sound too good does it?


Thankfully, so much more is possible! The dust in our lives can be redeemed, profitable, fruitful!


First, the Bible tells us that we are formed from the very dust of the earth, fashioned by God’s hands, his own breath breathing life into us. (Gen. 2:7; Ps. 103:14; Eccl. 3:20). Even though we are “but dust”, God was able, and remains able, to breathe LIFE into us. Even dust has possibilities!


What about the days when life itself seems dried up, opportunities lost?

"Depending on weather conditions, water molecules will combine with tiny particles of dust, salt, and smoke in the air to form cloud droplets,....." http://ga.water.usgs.gov/edu/watercyclecondensation.html

Dust, when it goes heavenward,

joins together with water molecules to form rain,

which in turn returns to the ground to bring life.

Did you get that? Dust doesn’t just blow in the wind – when it’s joined with water molecules, it forms into rain!


Yes, we may find ourselves in dusty dry condition, but what we join ourselves to determines our outcome!


The water is the Word, is Christ! (Eph. 5:25-26; John 1:1)


No matter how dry you feel, join yourself to Christ, to the Word, and find yourself heading into your purpose and prosperity.


(Is. 55:11) “So shall My word be that goes forth out of My mouth: it shall not return to Me void [without producing any effect, useless], but it shall accomplish that which I please and purpose, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.


God can redeem the dry and dusty places in our lives if we’ll join ourselves with His word. Let it rain!

Correction Now Can Save Us Pain Later

Last night it was entertaining for us to listen to the exclamantions and laughter coming from our children downstairs as they watched a t.v. show they enjoy. Even from a distance it made us smile. Who doesn't like to hear the laughter of the people you  love? Unfortunately, parenting isn't all giggles. At times corrections need to be made for the long-term health and well-being of the child. One day they will be out on their own, needing to take responsiblity for their own lives, and we want them to be as prepared for success as possible with the tools and character they need to live and thrive in all areas of life.

Psalm 118:18 says "The Lord has chastened me severely, but He has not given me over to death".

Chastened means discipline in the sense of training - a parent chastens their child to train them in the way they should go.  In fact, Hebrews says that when God chastens us, it is because we are as sons, and a Father chastens the sons that He loves.

• Sometimes the chastening feels unbearable - it is "severe", BUT.....
• He has not given me over to death
• It wasn't too much for me to bear
• It saved me from the death that would have come if I'd continued as I was.

The Lord loves me enough to save me from death at my own hand, whether that's death of a relationship, a dream, a job, a life....

When I feel the hand of correction on my life, I want to remember that while I don't enjoy the process, it is saving me from a worse consequence as a result of my own sin, foolishness, rebelliousness, stupidity, etc. And sometimes I just don't know what I don't know and correction comes to teach me if I will listen.

When I find myself in a position of needing to correct someone, I want to remember that the end goal is LIFE, not death. I want to see them positioned in life to flourish and thrive. Keeping this goal in mind helps me to follow-through because it is for the benefit of the one I love. It also helps me to be thankful when I too receive chastening.

Maybe you have felt "chastened" lately, whether by the Lord, a parent, an authority figure (through words,, actions or circumstances even). What did you learn from it?

What Makes Us Blameless & Innocent

CHALLENGING!

"Do all things without grumbling or questioning (faultfinding and complaining), that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world...." Philippians 2:14-15

• What I say and how I say it convicts me or frees me
• Christians shine God's light when they withhold from grumbling, etc.

So, when I grumble and find fault, I am NOT shining God's light. No one is being helped and I'm "in the dark" as well. How is my speech today? Is it winsome? Edifying? Helpful?

Paul continues to say in verse 16...."holding fast to the word of life".  This is what's to be in our mouth, LIFE.

If we would truly grasp this truth alone, how the world could change! Let's do it! Are you in?

The Arc of Justice, Humility, and Personal Rights

I am challenged this morning, with humility, justice and personal rights. I have heard the term "arc of justice" several times this week, in different, even conflicting contexts. I have heard people fighting over who is right and what is right. I have seen people strive to assert their rights as having precedence over anothers. I have heard insults thrown and retaliatory shots thrown back. It's everywhere.

Can there be true justice without humility?
Is there such a thing as personal rights when it means someone elses rights are trampled on?

Humility goes so much against the grain of how the world works. Yet humility is what we need.

I know of no other door to true humility but repentnace. Repentance for having to have our own way, from insisting that we are right. Repentance from allowing our insecurities to drive our pride. Repentance from thinking we know it, understand it, more than the other guy. Repentance from self-preservation and victimization.

Humility...to make ourselves nothing, to become servants of others, to take a position which allows us to understand their perspective.

My hope....that scripture tells me we can have this mind through Christ. It's my prayer this morning.

How to Be That Old Couple In the Park

My previous post shared some tips on staying married, becoming that cute old couple walking hand in hand in the park. Here's some follow-up helps to getting there.

"Consider [your spouse] more signicant than yourself" means that my way is not the only way. One must stop and consider how the other one feels, thinks, acts, needs and take that not only into consideration but make it the foremost consideration. That's a lot of considering!

Let's be honest. Would we really say, directly and boldly, "Look, I'm more important than you are. It has to be my way"? Have we said that indirectly? (This is a good moment for personal reflection - don't redirect to your spouse!).

"Looking not only to our own interests but to the interests of [our spouse]" means I LOOK, I search out, I consciously think of ways to bless them.  Not to change them to what works best for me. To bless them.

We didn't marry ourselves.

Our spouses are different that us - and that's an amazing, fabulous thing! It helps change US, it expands our world, it enhances, enlivens and colors our life in unexpected ways. Celebrate that, encourage it, work with it.

"...doesn't keep record of being wronged". Such a big one. Forgive. Move on. Let go. Don't revisit it. Move forward, lean forward, press forward. Life is in front of you! Love is in front of you! It's never behind.

"Never give up...be always hopeful".

Repentance, forgiveness and grace are constant necessities in a healthy marriage. Without these, the battle to put ourselves first rages against our marriage.

Repentance turns me back towards my spouse, forgiveness opens my heart to them, and grace extends a bridge to their heart. They calm the storm with us and between us.

Friends, may you be united in the same Spirit, of one mind, in full accord, striving together side by side for your marriage. Love on!

You Can Be That Old Couple In the Park

Last night it hailed on and off, the frozen white pellets bouncing against our house in fits and spurts. You'd think it was over and there would come another wave of the white stuff. This morning, the sun was shining through my windows.

Storms don't last forever, not in nature, and not in marriage.

Marriage is made of so many components: feelings, responsibilities, communication, sex, finances, children, jobs, school, mission, goals, desires, dreams. Each of these is an area where storms can hit, and where the sun can shine again.

With nearly 19 years of marriage there are a couple of enduring truths we've found to finding the sun in our relationship.

• "...consider [your spouse] more significant that yourself". (Phil 2)
• "Look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of [your spouse]." (Phil 2)

We can make a constant choice to love someone more than we love ourselves, to consider them, their wants, desires and feelings, to choose our marriage over ourselves.

Marriage is a union, two people becoming one. Not one dominating the other. Not two individuals. Becoming one, joined together - something altogether new, unique, strangely different, stronger, brilliant and joyful.

• "[love] doesn't demand it's own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of  being wronged....

We lose precious time together when we mull over what's wrong. The other day I was unhappy with something and woke up with it on my mind. As I began to move through my day, I heard the voice that I know to be the Holy Spirit reminding me of how much my husband loved me, highlighting all the ways in which he loves me sacrifically, unselfishly, willingly and purposefully. My "wronged feelings" couldn't withstand the overwhelming evidence that this man chooses me, daily. I simply needed the heart-eyes to see it. Love sees the good, holds on to it, advertises it, dwells on it.

• Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." (1 Cor. 13)

Don't give up. The sun will come out. There will be times when the storm just seems to keep coming in waves, but the sun will come out. You will be that old couple in the park walking hand in hand, laughing together, and all because you bravely, sacrifically chose to love each other.  You can do it.  I know you can!

Choose love.

Indecision & Procrastination Costs More!

A couple of years ago I joined the iphone phenomena. My phone was given to me with a nice, white hardcase for protection. Over time however, the bottom of the protective cover broke, leaving an exposed, vulnerable spot on the phone. The cover is $20 to replace. No big deal, right? I would go, stand at kiosks and just not be able to choose one, thinking I didn’t want to spend $20 on a cover. Of course the time came when I dropped the phone, on cement, and shattered the face. Through circumstance I had access to a replacement phone. Great! What did I do? I kept the broken case. And yes, I dropped this phone and shattered the case! Now we are talking hundreds of dollars to replace the phone. How stupid! I didn’t want to spend $20 to protect this expensive phone, and now was faced with an expensive replacement. For the record, I now have the most durable, bulky, indestructible case possible.


How often in life do we avoid a small price now, only to pay more later?

• Choosing not to forgive in the small things, resulting in a broken relationship later

• Putting off exercise and then, whoops! the pounds creep on

• Meaning to go to church, but don’t, then finding yourself: in crisis with no support system; no pastor to officiate, yet wanting a church wedding; searching for answers and getting nowhere.

• (insert what you are avoiding doing today)

It’s not worth it!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today

– Thomas Jefferson

• Take care of your relationships now!

• Take care of your body today!

• Take care of your spiritual life!

• (insert what you will start doing today)

Tomorrow might come, then again it might not. Today is your day!

Hard Pressed Between 2 Choices

Confession: as a pastor I sometimes feel pulled between the desire to do my own thing and the desire to do whatever "ministry" is in front of me. Surprised? I doubt it. It's a common tension we all face from time to time.

In Philippians 1:21-24 Paul says

"For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.

To live in the flesh means fruitful labor for me,

yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.

I am hard pressed between the two.

My desire is to depart and be with Christ....

to remain...is more necessary on your account."  [ESV]

My desires are not always altruistic (unselfish) and I can find myself wanting what pleases me more than what I want for the benefit of others. My benefit or theirs? Both may arguably be good even, so what wins?

Selfish desires can run the gamut of a child wanting the biggest piece for themselves; a mother wanting time to herself; a desire to pursue a dream. I personally love to study, learn and create, but it's not always the time for me to do that. I have experienced times when it was more necessary for others that I (care for my family/minister to someones need/serve/partner with someone else's dream). To make such a choice isn't always easy, but in the light of another choice I've made, it is absolutely doable.

It's not always about me.

I settled that a long time ago when I gave my life to God, and it's something I continue in. Paul says it this way, "to live is Christ".  Think about that.

To live is Christ.

Paul continues on to say, "To live is fruitful labor for me". If I'm breathing, I will labor. A successful life takes work, my daddy taught me that, and slacking or giving up never wins a race, so run at life, work hard at it, train yourself to win and you'll succeed.

I love the honesty of Paul and how he is torn between his desire and what is necessary. Given, his desire seems more spiritual than a lot of mine do, but the lesson is on point for us all. Sometimes what is necessary for others trumps our own desires. Ultimately this is a Kingdom truth, the necessity of proclaiming Christ to all who'll hear, but it also digs into the soil of our pragmatic existence. What will govern my day? My desires? My path?

Paul chooses what is more necessary for others. He knowingly chooses, embraces even, self-denial and potential suffering that others might grow in their faith.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with

you all, for your progress and joy in the faith,"

 (Philippians 1:25)

Heights to attain to. To live is Christ and that means fruitful labor for me.

Will I ever have my desires? I'm counting on it, even making room for it, but it remains willingly, joyfully, submitted to Christ. I trust Him with all the desires of my heart.

What desires do you feel pulled between?

A Powerful Tool for Change

I and a couple of friends are taking the challenge to memorize Philippians by Easter.  Yep, the whole book.  It wasn't something I had planned on doing, but I came across a challenge to do so, and it appealed to me.  My friends?  Maybe they're just gluttons for punishment.  But honestly, there are some terrific benefits to memorizing scripture.  So, 8 verses into chapter 1, here's what I've gained:

• Love, affection, passion.  Paul is unabashed in expressing his feelings for the church in Philippi.  A mushy guy!  It's okay to be mushy sometimes.
• The local church had government.  Right in the first verse, Bam!, elders and decons are mentioned.
• A little something I like to call togetherness. 

Paul and this church were truly joined together.  He uses words like "partake" and "partnership" when describing them.  No matter what, they have been joined together for one cause: the gospel of Jesus Christ.  And this togetherness, this unity, has deepened into an affection that causes Paul to yearn for them.  There's comfort, joy, and gratitude in their relationsip.

The word is changing me

Each day as I review what I've memorized the day before, it moves further away from being merely an exercise, with the simplest verse taking on deeper meaning in my spirit.  The Word is changing me, softening my heart even more to love the local church.

In closing, I quote Paul, in all his mushy goodness:

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,

always in every prayer of mine for you all,

making my prayer with joy"

Philippians 1:3-4

The Word of God is relevant for our lives today. You don't have to memorize it to reap the benefit, but read it, meditate on it, let it begin to seep into the core of who you are and let it transform you.  I cheer you on!

As for my memorizing buddies - you rock! You truly love the Word and I love that we are on this journey together.

May you read and prosper!



I Am Me

I am "me".

There's a lot of things I'm not.
I'm not the best speaker in the world (nor the worst)
not the most beautiful (nor the ugliest)
not the thinnest (nor the fattest)
not the smartest (nor the dumbest)
not the wealthiest (nor the poorest)
not the most stylish (nor the most dowdy)

I am me.

I am God's BEST representation of HIS BEST Michelle.

I had a conversation today with a fabulous person who was being plagued with thoughts of how others saw them, and it was assuming the negative.  And you know what?  This person is the BEST representation of themself to the world, and I think they should work it.  Be who God made you to be, and enjoy it! No need to waste time comparing ourselves to others.  No need to consider others opinions as so weighty.  God put His BEST into YOU.  BE the best YOU you can be.

That's it.  Be you.  The best you.  And enjoy it.
I am me.
Who are you?

Effecting Change

We can't fix people.

I know, it's disappointing isn't it?  But if you think about it, do you want people to fix you?  There, a little perspective to get us on the right foot.  Nope, we can't fix people.

Here's are a few challenges we face when we try:

• We are often blinded to our own stuff, and someone telling us what's wrong tends to raise our defenses.
• Throwing knowledge at a problem just adds knowledge.  Without applied action, it doesn't bring change.
• We need revelation to see what we can't see on our own in order to be inspired to apply knowledge to change.

Knowledge without revelation is dangerous and

generally doesn't get the desired result.

In the Biblical account of Moses, he gains knowledge of his personal heritage and the plight of his people who were enslaved. While Moses attempts to do something with this knowledge, he lacks revelation of what to do and how to do it.  In the process, he murders an Egyptian and harms his reputation within his own community.

So what to do?  If we become aware (gain knowledge) of a needed change in a person or situation, revelation is needed. 

This is where God comes in - ask God for revelation and His wisdom to apply the knowledge.  Let God speak into it.  God had a plan for how Moses could effect change, he just needed to hear it first.  And once he had it....well, all the power of God backed him up and it was no longer up to Moses own limited strength and capacity.

 I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers,

that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ,

 the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of

wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him....

Ephesians 1:16-17