Hard Pressed Between 2 Choices

Confession: as a pastor I sometimes feel pulled between the desire to do my own thing and the desire to do whatever "ministry" is in front of me. Surprised? I doubt it. It's a common tension we all face from time to time.

In Philippians 1:21-24 Paul says

"For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.

To live in the flesh means fruitful labor for me,

yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.

I am hard pressed between the two.

My desire is to depart and be with Christ....

to remain...is more necessary on your account."  [ESV]

My desires are not always altruistic (unselfish) and I can find myself wanting what pleases me more than what I want for the benefit of others. My benefit or theirs? Both may arguably be good even, so what wins?

Selfish desires can run the gamut of a child wanting the biggest piece for themselves; a mother wanting time to herself; a desire to pursue a dream. I personally love to study, learn and create, but it's not always the time for me to do that. I have experienced times when it was more necessary for others that I (care for my family/minister to someones need/serve/partner with someone else's dream). To make such a choice isn't always easy, but in the light of another choice I've made, it is absolutely doable.

It's not always about me.

I settled that a long time ago when I gave my life to God, and it's something I continue in. Paul says it this way, "to live is Christ".  Think about that.

To live is Christ.

Paul continues on to say, "To live is fruitful labor for me". If I'm breathing, I will labor. A successful life takes work, my daddy taught me that, and slacking or giving up never wins a race, so run at life, work hard at it, train yourself to win and you'll succeed.

I love the honesty of Paul and how he is torn between his desire and what is necessary. Given, his desire seems more spiritual than a lot of mine do, but the lesson is on point for us all. Sometimes what is necessary for others trumps our own desires. Ultimately this is a Kingdom truth, the necessity of proclaiming Christ to all who'll hear, but it also digs into the soil of our pragmatic existence. What will govern my day? My desires? My path?

Paul chooses what is more necessary for others. He knowingly chooses, embraces even, self-denial and potential suffering that others might grow in their faith.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with

you all, for your progress and joy in the faith,"

 (Philippians 1:25)

Heights to attain to. To live is Christ and that means fruitful labor for me.

Will I ever have my desires? I'm counting on it, even making room for it, but it remains willingly, joyfully, submitted to Christ. I trust Him with all the desires of my heart.

What desires do you feel pulled between?

A Powerful Tool for Change

I and a couple of friends are taking the challenge to memorize Philippians by Easter.  Yep, the whole book.  It wasn't something I had planned on doing, but I came across a challenge to do so, and it appealed to me.  My friends?  Maybe they're just gluttons for punishment.  But honestly, there are some terrific benefits to memorizing scripture.  So, 8 verses into chapter 1, here's what I've gained:

• Love, affection, passion.  Paul is unabashed in expressing his feelings for the church in Philippi.  A mushy guy!  It's okay to be mushy sometimes.
• The local church had government.  Right in the first verse, Bam!, elders and decons are mentioned.
• A little something I like to call togetherness. 

Paul and this church were truly joined together.  He uses words like "partake" and "partnership" when describing them.  No matter what, they have been joined together for one cause: the gospel of Jesus Christ.  And this togetherness, this unity, has deepened into an affection that causes Paul to yearn for them.  There's comfort, joy, and gratitude in their relationsip.

The word is changing me

Each day as I review what I've memorized the day before, it moves further away from being merely an exercise, with the simplest verse taking on deeper meaning in my spirit.  The Word is changing me, softening my heart even more to love the local church.

In closing, I quote Paul, in all his mushy goodness:

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,

always in every prayer of mine for you all,

making my prayer with joy"

Philippians 1:3-4

The Word of God is relevant for our lives today. You don't have to memorize it to reap the benefit, but read it, meditate on it, let it begin to seep into the core of who you are and let it transform you.  I cheer you on!

As for my memorizing buddies - you rock! You truly love the Word and I love that we are on this journey together.

May you read and prosper!



I Am Me

I am "me".

There's a lot of things I'm not.
I'm not the best speaker in the world (nor the worst)
not the most beautiful (nor the ugliest)
not the thinnest (nor the fattest)
not the smartest (nor the dumbest)
not the wealthiest (nor the poorest)
not the most stylish (nor the most dowdy)

I am me.

I am God's BEST representation of HIS BEST Michelle.

I had a conversation today with a fabulous person who was being plagued with thoughts of how others saw them, and it was assuming the negative.  And you know what?  This person is the BEST representation of themself to the world, and I think they should work it.  Be who God made you to be, and enjoy it! No need to waste time comparing ourselves to others.  No need to consider others opinions as so weighty.  God put His BEST into YOU.  BE the best YOU you can be.

That's it.  Be you.  The best you.  And enjoy it.
I am me.
Who are you?

Effecting Change

We can't fix people.

I know, it's disappointing isn't it?  But if you think about it, do you want people to fix you?  There, a little perspective to get us on the right foot.  Nope, we can't fix people.

Here's are a few challenges we face when we try:

• We are often blinded to our own stuff, and someone telling us what's wrong tends to raise our defenses.
• Throwing knowledge at a problem just adds knowledge.  Without applied action, it doesn't bring change.
• We need revelation to see what we can't see on our own in order to be inspired to apply knowledge to change.

Knowledge without revelation is dangerous and

generally doesn't get the desired result.

In the Biblical account of Moses, he gains knowledge of his personal heritage and the plight of his people who were enslaved. While Moses attempts to do something with this knowledge, he lacks revelation of what to do and how to do it.  In the process, he murders an Egyptian and harms his reputation within his own community.

So what to do?  If we become aware (gain knowledge) of a needed change in a person or situation, revelation is needed. 

This is where God comes in - ask God for revelation and His wisdom to apply the knowledge.  Let God speak into it.  God had a plan for how Moses could effect change, he just needed to hear it first.  And once he had it....well, all the power of God backed him up and it was no longer up to Moses own limited strength and capacity.

 I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers,

that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ,

 the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of

wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him....

Ephesians 1:16-17