I was recently on a plane ride, sandwiched between two lovely people, and fully expected to doze my way home (4 AM is an early wake up call for me!), when a conversation began between myself and Paul, one of my seatmates. I am so glad I didn't sleep! (shout out to Paul if you're out there!).
Paul is a freelance writer, and has ventured into recording peoples personal histories, so he is good at interviewing, listening and drawing people out, and he is intelligent and kind, so we had all the makings of a great conversation.
We discussed life, culture, interviewing, San Francisco, his work, and then he asked me about my work. I told him I was a pastor, and this is where we both began to learn more about the other. Let me say, before I continue, that it was entirely refreshing to dialogue with Paul without the emotional heat differences of opinion usually brings. We both walked away having gained some knowledge, perspective, new understanding of things.
What I learned from Paul:
- Paul is a liberal, a Jew, and hangs and works with the University crowd. His only knowledge of Christians is Pat Robertson. Seriously. His view of Christians: they are angry, they hate, they are illogical, greedy, etc. Oh yeah, television preachers with large lifestyles was another frame of reference. Media-driven frame of reference.
- "Do the people in your church hate Obama?". This is a question he asked me. Read it again. Do the people in your church HATE?
- "Why are conservatives so angry"?
- People may have good hearts in general, yet their hearts be hard towards the gospel. Paul's limited, if not non-existent, interaction with Christians gave him a narrow and skewed perspective that understandably hardened his heart towards the message of the gospel. I can't say I blame him.
- Perhaps we have lost our ability to be heard mainstream because all they hear/see is anger and hate. I know that's not where we want to come from, but can we not see the fruit we are growing on our tree?
I have a family member who recently went to a rally regarding a possible repeal of special-rights legislation for gay/lesbian couples. She was listening to a speech that became angry in tone, and looked around wondering about the over 51% of them that were divorced (yet up in arms about protecting marriage); what percentage were caught in sexual sin; why was it so easy to angrily cast stones? She personally may not agree with the repeal, but she did question the emotional quotient that seemed to be driving the crowd. When had it become so easy to point the finger when our own households are not in order?
Back to Paul. Paul and I disagree on a lot of the things we talked about. I believe in absolutes, yet struggle with the tensions we live in. I believe in good and evil, heaven and hell (we both thought the idea of heaven as floating in the clouds forever sounded incredibly boring. People have the funniest ideas about heaven - if you are a Christian, learn the doctrine of heaven!). Though we disagreed, we were able to talk and learn from each other.
- You can't plant seed in hard ground. It has to be softened. Let's not be so quick to angrily throw our seed out there hoping it will penetrate. (Consider the soil).
- Emotions get in the way of true dialogue.
- Affirming our "rightness" shuts doors to hearing and receiving.
- People have different perspectives. Their frames of reference are not the same. They may have no personal experience with Christians, the Bible, faith....Using our frames of reference, our perspective and experience to convince them of something doesn't compute.
- Be open to having conversation, to learn from others. It will go both ways!
- You can share the gospel without quoting chapter and verse (which is outside their frame of reference).
- Don't be afraid to share your own humanity with others. No one is perfect, and it's nice when we admit that!
Paul is in San Diego for a conference, and I hope he has a great time in our beautiful city. I also hope our conversation continues in his heart and it does in mine.